MARISSA'S STORY “I could make you happy if you’d just let me” the voice was so clear, so audible I actually looked around to see if someone had jumped on my cruiser along with me. I was riding my bike on the hot, dusty playa of Burning Man exploring the most magical art installations with my husband and friends when I felt my heart burst with an overwhelming sense of ……joy. Funny thing was, I had long forgotten what it felt like. Somewhere, somehow, I had lost my sense of self. Having been assessed earlier that year as experiencing “Burnout”, I was emotionally exhausted and had become comfortably numb. On paper, and by Instagram standards, it was a pretty gramable life – I was a new mom to a healthy energetic little boy, had a loving supportive husband, and was a senior manager for a global beauty brand. The only thing was, I was pretty lame about posting it all because …..I had crippling imposter syndrome. Shouldn’t people who have great lives “feel” like it? I didn’t feel amazing, I felt like a fraud. Behind the cheery, “can-do” attitude, I was constantly terrified of dropping a ball, (after all, when you’re everything to everyone, you become good at juggling) and had been granted a series of life events that left me feeling angry, resentful and grief-stricken. It felt like everything everyone told me about how to succeed in life was a lie – I had been checking all the boxes and doing all the things and in return I was lonely, lost and feeling like life was passing me by. The worst part was I knew I was on this crazy ride, but I had no idea how to get off, or worse, where to go once I did get off. We shouldn’t feel bad more than we feel good. We shouldn’t have to spend our existence hustling to survive. We shouldn’t be this fucking stressed out. AND we shouldn’t feel ashamed to take care of ourselves That day on the playa I was reintroduced to joy. Not the joy that comes from meeting your child for the first time, or a breathtaking wonder produced by Mother Nature. I’m talking about the joy that’s sourced from your very own soul. I became fascinated (slightly obsessed could also work) at discovering how to re-create that experience at Burning Man. Running off to a city in the middle of nowhere that exists for 7 days and is basically a pilgrimage to get to isn’t very sustainable for office life at 2pm on a Tuesday, or when your toddler is crying at 2am. So what was? Living in Los Angeles, CA there was an abundance of modalities to explore, and I tried everything I could. I discovered there was no overnight fix, and self-care is truly a practice. Some days were better than others and there were lots of days I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay another hour behind my laptop answering emails so I could look good and avoid being “that jerk” co-worker that nobody can stand. In a city that has a reputation for glamour and looks, there was no shortage of spaces to keep the physical body looking great, but what about the emotional, mental, or spiritual ones? When you fall down, it takes more than just your meat sack to pick you up. Where do you go to exercise resilience? To become emotionally intelligent? Or spiritually fit? Here’s what I discovered, there are some really amazing modalities that I totally love and continue to practice but the one that covers physical, emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of oneself is BREATHWORK. Crazy that something we have with us always and is literally free can be so powerful. You literally can move in and out of states of calm or energy at will. Break the stress cycle by reducing stress stored in the body Explore altered states of consciousness Access your intuition Your ability to connect to your sense of self is the truest, most beautiful thing you can do for yourself. This wisdom prevents us from getting lost by staying too long in that relationship you (and everyone else) knows is utterly wrong for you and the job that leaves you crying in the parking lot….before you even get inside to start your day. In the practice of creating connection with myself, I’ve moved countries and left careers. I continue to get better at discerning my heart speak over the incessant mind chatter of other people’s opinions and “shoulds” and can proudly say I am living a life by design from my own creation. So dear reader, this is where my story ends and yours begins We’ve been conditioned to turn outwards, seeking validation and answers from outside ourselves when we inherently know. We just have to develop our capacity to access it. You are the hero of your story Let the breath take you on a journey to discover what’s true for you Life is too short to not know who you are. Breathe More You XO